Query breakthrough

I know I'm not going to be to the query phase for at least another 6 months: I have to finish the first draft by September 20th, then let it sit for a bit, then my first readthrough and edit, then beta readers/workshops, then rewrite from comments and suggestions, let it sit again, and probably at least one more readthrough and edit on my own before submission. At least. Best case scenario is I'll be querying after the first of the year, once everyone's back in the office from the holidays.

So the last thing I should be worrying about writing right now is my query letter, especially since the story is still evolving and needs to be gotten down. But I don't think it's a bad thing to let the query simmer in the back of my head. It can't be a slap-dash thing at the end of the process, after all - I could have the best MS in the world and it won't mean a darn thing if my query is crap.

Today I was re-alerted to the fact that Noah Lukeman (he's a former literary agent and author of several craft-related books) has published an E-book on writing a good query letter. He's made it available for free, but you only get one download per person, so make sure you're someplace you can save it to have future access before you get it. The link to get the e-book is here:

How to Write a Great Query Letter

I, like Jo, don't agree with 100% of what he says. But the majority of the advice is good, and it led to a breakthrough for me. I guess it was one of those things I had to hear multiple times for it to sink in. Keep. It. Simple.

See, my problem was the description of my plot. Because of the nature of my story, a lot of people see "Scotland" and "time travel" and instantly assume I'm just writing some kind of knockoff of Outlander or the other Scottish time-travel novels out there. So I wanted to keep the detail to prove I had an original plot. But this meant I could never compress it enough to fit in a query letter - I kept slipping in names and details that I thought were vital to prove my story was unique. Lukeman finally snapped me out of that necessity, and I was able to pare it down to the bare essentials:

-She is trapped over 300 years in the past (dilemma!)
-Not only is she back in time, but she's being chased by a bad Earl who wants her for his own nefarious schemes (conflict on top of the dilemma!)
-The clan that protects her is outlawed (important to set up the climax)
-She falls in love (duh, it's a romance)
-They try to stop Glencoe (historical setting, external conflict)
-The love interest is sentenced to death (climax, and sets up the central plot point...)
-She sacrifices herself for his freedom (CPP)
-He thinks her dead and also time-travels to reunite with her (twist!)

That sounds like a lot, and it is. But I've managed to leave out extraneous names, side-plots, backstory, and all the other stuff that was bloating my previous attempts. Lukeman says keep it to 3 sentences max. I didn't manage that; I think I got it in 5. But I'm still only on one paragraph, and within the 150-word limit I've seen a lot of people suggest.

Here's the (extremely rough) draft:

Physicist Elizabeth Clarke finds herself trapped over 300 years in the past, pursued by a politically avaricious Earl who wants to use her “Sight” (her knowledge of history - to him the future) to further his consolidation of power. Her only choice is to take refuge with an outlaw clan, and she finds herself falling in love with Alec, the handsome son of the chief. Together they try to prevent the treacherous massacre at Glencoe - the Earl's doing - but Alec is captured and sentenced to death. After one night with him on the eve of his execution, she secretly chooses to surrender herself to the Earl in exchange for Alec's release. When he learns of her sacrifice and subsequent death at the Earl’s hands, Alec’s only choice is to attempt time-travel himself to be reunited with the woman he loves.

Does this work for you? Would you want to read more? Any suggestions?