Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Rethinking my decision

In just over two weeks, I'm going to be dropping more than $1500 to fly across the continent and leave my infant son for 5 days. I'll have to make provisions for the fact that I'm still breastfeeding, and use 3 days of my precious PTO to take off work. It's a lot of expense and trouble, but I decided it was worth it. I've always wanted to write a book, and I thought getting good advice early in the process could only help. And the other big draw is that I feel kind of isolated in life sometimes, and here was my chance to go and meet these people that I've been forming friendships with online, have a good time, and share a common bond.

Well, now I'm rethinking my decision. After the originality of my work being questioned (this after the hours and hours of research and self-deliberation that long term blog readers know I went through, and am still going through) and excluded from the chapbook on that basis, I wonder if I go to Surrey will I feel like the kid that tries to be involved but everyone really looks down on and talks about behind their back? I don't want to be the width of a continent away from my husband and son only to feel isolated for 5 days. Sure, I'm an introvert and can handle being alone. But if one of the main reasons I'm going was to have the opposite kind of experience, is all the good writing advice still worth it?

If I cancel now, I'll be out about $500 in plane tickets and registration fees. But that still saves me the hotel costs, the refundable part of the registration, travel to and from the airport, and meal expenses not covered by the conference, etc.

It's something to consider.

1 comment:

Cindy said...

Dear Jen:

I've never been to Surrey, but I've been using the forum for about four years. I understand you feeling a little shy, maybe, (I'm terribly shy in person) but I cannot imagine anyone getting a chilly reception from these folks I've come to know and love. I'm not sure who goes, but I know Renee and Susan are.

Leaving baby is another thing altogether, and you'll figure out how you need to handle that.

And about originality, I don't know. There is a lot of time travel stuff around, but it's popular. It's fun! It doesn't seem fair for anyone to judge your work until they've read some of it, anyway. Voice makes such a difference.

Anyway, I'm sorry to see you feeling a bit down.